Because You Never Asked

ADVERTISING

(12/11)

     For any serious observer of the human condition, it is quite rational to conclude the concepts of persuasion embodied in such terms as advertising, public relations and marketing are the most fundamental elements in what our whole socio-economic system is. These persuasionary devices are the triggers, nay, even more so, the sustenance of the cultural paradigm we live by. Far more money is spent in marketing a product than in actually producing the product. Being that the vast majority of these products are not essential for the true well being of a human being, the war to persuade people to want or need a product is fierce. Trying to get people to live their lives in pursuit of superfluous things meant to temporarily titillate a consumer’s superficial idea of “happiness” --- is a Herculean task. It requires a 24/7/365 effort of all out combat. Everyone is fair game and every tactic is legitimate. The research that goes into this persuasion is minute, tireless and hyper-motivated. It is a form of “no-stone-left-unturned” in its maximum expression. It is the most sophisticated, polished, well honed, ever evolving mechanism used in pursuit of our culture’s most coveted thing: money.

     I’d say the greatest accomplishment of my anonymous stay on this planet, of a life whose influence on others is almost nil (nil?) --- even more so than this mass of dubious philosophical patter I am so proud of --- is the triumph of having transcended the consumerist model of my culture. In spite of the multi-billion dollar effort to persuade me, I am now impervious to their pleas. I cannot be convinced into buying or needing what “they” are selling. I have my needs, just like everyone else, but I’ve managed to define them for myself.

     This is not to say I am emotionally better off or more fulfilled than anyone else. It is not easy to live surrounded by a culture in direct conflict with your world view. And here’s where I’ll get presumptuous, where I will risk and not care about the resentment of others, because my vision for an improved human condition has withstood my own rigorous attempts to test its validity. The world created by advertising is its own worst enemy. Its consumption necessities are the catalyst for every problem now assailing our species. The fact that I’ve moved past this adolescent, destructive stage of human development, is a great source of pride for me. At least, in my own anonymous way, I’ve accomplished something, something that could be useful in the future.

     I am Post Consumer Man.

     In the last year or so, I’ve noticed some perplexing trends in the advertising business. They seem to be using techniques that would hinder rather than enhance the sale of a product. This would suggest something counter-productive in their actions, but in spite of my confusion, there is one thing I am sure of: they are using these techniques to bolster rather than discourage sales. That is their mission. It can be no other way.

     The pharmaceutical industry --- drugs --- is one of the most powerful players in our socio-political system. Their commercial propaganda inundates our airwaves to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars. The incessant quality of this barrage could almost be likened to a perpetual motion machine. As the years have rolled by, I’ve noticed their warnings for side effects and such have become voluminous, so much so that half the commercial becomes pinned down under its weight. The more I began to focus on this practice, the more preposterous it began to seem. The average ad for a prescription drug now goes something like this:

     Let’s say we are selling a pill for cholesterol or heart disease. Let’s call the drug “Culowhol”. The commercial will begin with a handsome couple, 60-ish, bicycling through an upscale suburban neighborhood, or, better yet, hiking spryly through a lovely forest, perhaps there is a picnic basket and an obedient golden retriever trailing along. The weather is as splendid as the retiree bliss of our smiling couple. As we watch scenes from this utopian day of recreational splendor, a voice over, that of the male participant in the ad, begins telling us how his heart attack jolted his world and how regular use of Culowhol, along with proper diet and exercise, have given him back his life. Without ever interrupting the visual aspects of the commercial --- perhaps our handsome couple has now reached a pebbly beach fronting a scenic lake with a picnic table spread with the hearty comestibles of an open air lunch --- another voice over discretely intrudes on our consciousness, telling us to stop taking Culowhol and call your doctor if:

     “your left eye slams shut, your scrotum touches your knee cap, your breath begins to smell like pickled herring, you begin to like Newt Gingrich, chartreuse stripes appear on your stools, you have an erection that lasts less than 5 seconds, you can’t stop whistling the jingle for the Beverly Hillbillies or you feel an erotic urge for Margaret Thatcher. There have been reported cases of hair growing from the soles of feet, ivy growing out of anal cavities, and if you feel an uncontrollable desire to live in Muncie, Indiana, fucken A, stop taking the stuff dude. Some studies have shown Culowhol to cause dandruff in sheepdogs, an ability to high jump 10 feet, and indifference before a naked Pamela Anderson. Do not take Culowhol if you are ambidextrous, like ballet, are regularly employed, have an habitual slice off the tee or if you can understand the words in hip-hop music. Before taking Culowhol, tell your doctor if you’ve ever met Lebron James, are an adulterer, believe in God, ever thought Bob Hope was funny, been on Luden’s cough drops or been addicted to cribbage. Culowhol is not recommended for anyone with heterosexual tendencies”.

     When this marathonian litany concludes, we return to the voice of the heart attack victim dubbed over the perfection of a day spent in harmonious communion with nature and one’s life itself: “Culowhol is the reason I’m standing here today. Talk to your doctor and see if it can do the same for you”. He now turns to his partner, they smile at each other. “There’s too much to lose”.

     Granted, this is a satirical version of the real thing, but satire is a vehicle meant to take us to the real truth --- and the real truth is this: there is something ludicrous about these commercials, something off key or not quite honest. How can you expect to sell a healing drug that supposedly can make you sick in so many ways? This is something like making a commercial for a new movie release with the warning: “be aware this film might bore you to tears”.

     If we accept the fact this commercial is meant to sell as much Culowhol as possible --- what other conclusion can we come to? --- then why this loud salvo of prejudicial material? A logical assumption would attribute such to some kind of governmental requirement. But think about it --- would some regulatory agency actually be demanding such a Ruthian form of disclosure? Has every single side effect mentioned so minutely in these ads been conclusively tested? I doubt it. So why?

     A few thoughts: perhaps the one or two serious side effects --- migraine headaches or risk of liver disease --- that have been proven and made discloseable under the law, if stood alone in an open field would be more prejudicial to the drug’s rentability than if they were camouflaged in a forest of other superficial and barely heard maladies. Perhaps this long roll call of possible side effects will be taken as a sign of both thoroughness and sincerity by the consumer. What do you think?

     Another possibility would be expensive legal liability for side effects not made known to the public. I’ve talked to a doctor about this and he assured me the written material enclosed with all pharmaceutical products is meant to relieve the liability problem. If it is listed there, no problem.

     I’d say about a year ago, I began to notice another digression from what would seem to be logical advertising techniques. Commercial breaks on television last a few minutes, a time slot generally filled with the usual attempts to get into your wallet. It has now become routine for an advertisement to be interrupted, cut off, suddenly ended, right in the middle of its pitch, at any time, at varying places in its message, boom!, just like that, gone while another commercial begins. Sometimes an ad is shown in its entirety, sometimes not, and they all seem to be subject to these seemingly arbitrary interruptions. Wouldn’t that piss you off if you were paying good money to push your lypo-suction treatments?

     When I first noticed these interruptions, I attributed them to some studio-engineering glitch ready to be ironed out. But no. This has become a routine aspect of television advertising. We’re talking about years now. This is no accident. This is no glitch. This is how it is going down. Why?

     A few thoughts: Perhaps something to do with pricing structures is in play here. Perhaps the advertiser, over the course of the ad’s run --- 3 months, 6 months, whatever --- will be charged for the amount of time any part of the commercial is on the air, the theory being this: within a week or so, the habitual television viewer will become familiar with the ad and recognize it as the lypo-suction ad regardless of whether it runs its full course or not, regardless of where it ends or begins. The message now becomes less relevant than the simple recognition of the ad and who or what it is for. This means the advertiser can insinuate its message to the consumer, regardless of its length or entirety, every half hour rather than a complete commercial appearing every 3 hours. This might be deemed a more effective way to reach customers. It might also be a more economical way for the entrepreneur to advertise, as well as a more profitable way for the media outlet to sell its air space.

     Perhaps, maybe, I can’t say for sure. But what can be said for sure is this: this has all been researched, mapped out, tested, run through and given the green light. The numbers have been crunched, the target groups have been peppered with the darts of every possible scenario. Tax code length disclaimers by drug companies; television ads carved and served piece meal to viewers --- it can only mean one thing: “they” can make more money this way.

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Email: JerryG@postcman.info