Because You Never Asked

COMMENTS ON COMMENTARY, 2009

(5/09, Spain)

     Being that I find myself in Spain once again, firmly ensconced in my two month stay by the Roman Sea, my traditional joust with American journalism is also upon us. For that sprinkling of humanity that is either familiar or quasi-familiar with these essays (I don’t ask much), you might remember that this foray into the “Yanqui” interpretation of things was the result of an unavoidable itch to find out something about the baseball season in a country where 4 balls would be a spectacular genetic mutation and 3 strikes a sign of labor unrest. But the Googly has changed everything. In such a techno-environment, where Brad Pitt’s hemorrhoids might appear on the Web at any moment, the fact that one’s preferred team is falling like a communications satellite re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere, is information as easily gotten as the click of a button. As a result, what I used to do every ten days or so --- that is, buy the International Herald Tribune --- has been swept from my itinerary --- but I am not entirely cured. After a healthy stint of abstention, the impulse to hear something from the “homeland” (I don’t like that word, it reminds me of Hitler and Dick Cheney), can still take hold of me.

     I know, my bad.

     It took almost a month this year before such impulse seeped into my consciousness. I needed a bit more Obama in my life, some torture talk, some Pentagon muscle as that beacon of liberty, my country, tried to bring Dunkin’ Donuts to Afghanistan. Perhaps an inclement, drizzly day also had something to do with it, but there I was, schlepping my corporal decay over to the newsstand.

     I was also hoping to get some material for this ever growing mass of chicken soup philosophy. The ironic part is that I did (you’re reading it), but for all the wrong reasons.

     It couldn’t have taken more than 10 minutes of thumbing through the inert mass of forestry resources we Yanks abroad refer to as The Trib, before I realized there was nothing of enlightening value here, that the search for truth and wisdom would have to be found elsewhere. The vacuity of the material had all the impact of a pot bellied baseball manager shuffling out to the mound to change a tiring pitcher (yawn). What made it even worse is that the removal of the Bush Gang has liberated humanity from the pawl of their stupidity. It was hard to get riled up. My venomous hate had been exchanged for a suspicious, yet still hopeful view of Obama. It had been so easy before, with such a juicy target to attack, with such idiotic incompetence running the country. Now that some degree of sanity had been restored --- where’s Brittany Spears when you need her?

     Perhaps the people responsible for the International Herald Tribune are asking themselves the same thing, for the content of their publication seemed to be groping for substance. It was like a lemon meringue pie without the filling; it looked like something to eat, but once you bit into it there was just fluff, air, nothing.

     It was so much nothing, I decided to write about the great nothingness of it all.

     The headline and lead article on the front page was vintage nothing, so much so that it’s embarrassing to admit I read it. “Obama Defends Anti-Terrorism Policies”. Oh, I thought, here we go again, as if stopping terrorism has anything to do with which party is in power. Here we go again, the same old they are soft, we are tough, and if anything happens we can pin it on them --- meaning the other party, not the terrorists.

     But no, it was even stupider than that, a stupidity made even more so by almost a month away from such gringo nonsense. The article had to do with Obama trying to make good on a campaign promise to close Guantanamo. Fair enough, no big deal, what’s the problem?

     You can imagine my surprise when I learn nobody wants to let him do it! The Congress, both Democrats and Republicans, have voted overwhelmingly to not grant the money needed to close the infamous prison camp. Huh? This is an issue? How much money does it take to close a chicken coop prison? Why don’t they just use the money it costs to keep it open? You mean it costs more to close the place than to maintain it? Who’s doing the books around here, Bernie Madoff?

     Let’s look at the history of this malignancy: the previous administration walked into a sucker punch when it dozed off and let a bunch of camel herders, armed with an impressive arsenal of razor blades and airline tickets, get the drop on’em; planes and skyscrapers, plumes of thick smoke on a clear indigo sky, screaming mobs fleeing the avalanche of plummeting mastodon constructions, a true Hollywood blockbuster, great material for the wars they had planned in the Middle East. Hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to war they go, and they start rounding up terrorist suspects like a herd of up valley cattle. Thousands of them end up in Guantanamo, where, contrary to every political-judicial document since the Ten Commandments, they are let to rot for years, without being told why they are there, without being charged, without access to counsel, with no glimmer of a judicial proceeding in sight --- and that’s the good news.

     In a raw display of behavior once thought to be the exclusive province of such dastardly louts as the Krauts, Japs, Russkies, Chinese Commies, all unscrupulous enemies of John Wayne, and all the rest of the enemies always aligned against the only true apple pie goodness left in the world, the Guantanamo prisoners are subject to interrogation techniques that, well --- let’s call a sand nigger a sand nigger here --- could be properly called “torture”. Stalags, gulags, River Kwais, and it ain’t “them”, it’s us, the fair haired boys of freedom and drive thru cuisine, that is doing it. Is this what John Wayne acted and died for?

     There are stories of prisoners being subjected to 57 straight hours of Frank Sinatra singing “My Way”, a sadistic excess of brutality when one considers that many began giving testimony after only 10 minutes of it, none of which proved useful in any way. However, through the work of a special, heretofore secret intelligence task force personally led by Dick Cheney and made up of Michael Chertoff, “Brownie”, Chuck Norris and Sean Hannity, an elaborate plot to assassinate Frank Sinatra was dismantled. This unexpectedly raised morale amongst the prisoners when they found out he was already dead.

     Although it goes without saying, I’ll say it anyway: this whole Guantanamo episode has stood the United States of America directly in front of a powerful fan that’s been rebounding the shit right onto its face for years now. It has just about made the country a “rogue state” in the international community. And guess what --- the new president wants to close it, and nobody in American politics wants to let him.

     This is stunning. I kept reading.

     Did somebody say Dick Cheney? Does anyone remember the inauguration of Barak Obama and what a glorious day it was? Do you know why it was so glorious? Because they took Dick Cheney away in a wheelchair. Adios. One way ticket. Good riddance. Don’t come back. The wicked witch is dead. Dancing, singing, generalized joy and merriment.

     I’m reminded of Mark Twain’s exaggerated death. It seems that Dick Cheney, with the use of his own, personal, mega-conglomerate media organization, is back. It seems that anytime the Obama administration shows the slightest temptation to be human beings, there he is --- like the bubonic plague appearing in a medieval city --- telling us that is not possible. There he is, the shadow president, the Grim Reaper, spreading fear and panic. There he is, hide the women and children.

     And you know what? --- a Democrat party that gave Cheney-Bush all the money they wanted for their filthy oil wars, has told their own president they will not give him the funds to close this festering pussball on the butt of American history. They are afraid.

     There are now about 200 or so prisoners left in Guantanamo, the ones who are still considered guilty because no one can prove them innocent --- I guess. And the president has come up with the radical idea of trying them in a court of law and putting those convicted in maximum security prisons.

     No way! Not in my state! Danger, fear, bombs at high school football games in Texas.

     Ladies and gentlemen, this is the United States of America, the same country that  produced Mike Tyson and Dick Butkus --- and this is what we are afraid of?

     Every once in awhile, one of the blood sucking leeches we call politicians is sent to jail, but it is always one of those ping pong table jails with Cinzano umbrellas. Perhaps if they actually sent one of these embezzling worms to a real jail, they’d know how absurd their concerns are. The sickening part is that they already know and this is all part of the be-tough-on-security posturing meant to keep their flabby asses in Washington, all cozied up to the lobbyists that earn them a handsome living. They realize Houdini could not get into one of these maximum security hell holes, let alone have someone escape.

     In the end, it is the gullibility of the American people that is most responsible for the idiotic nature of public policy in their country. Who do they think are in these jails right now? Do they envision Garden Clubs, poetry readings, wine tasting, a Book of the Month Club? Hey, Mr. Kiwanis Club, --- this is not the high fiber, yoga crowd. Your dangerous terrorist will not be out of tune in one of these places. In fact, he’d probably be one of the higher forms of the species in there. After all, he’s not a common criminal, he has a cause.

     But the real punch line for this joke comes now: sharing the front page with this Guantanamo story; the second most important item of news in The Trib that day, was an article about Tianamen Square on its 20^th anniversary --- you know, democracy, human rights, all that. Being that the People’s Republic of China is financing the United States these days, the usual Yankee tongue lashing for the tyrannical nature in which the Chinese government makes more than a billion people miserable, was toned down a bit. It was even asserted that most of today’s Chinese students care more about money than democracy (hey, just like us!). But the insinuations of dissidence and government heavy handedness, the insinuations of how much better it is to be us, and how much worse it is to be them, persisted in an assembly line production of American party line propaganda. It was unpalatable gruel, especially sitting next to the images raised by the Guantanamo story. It was nothing in its quintessential lack of something.

     This is not news, it is burlesque. And I paid more than $3.00 for it!

     I know, my bad.                                     

back to the Table of Contents

Email: JerryG@postcman.info