Because You Never Asked

(12/06)

     Down through the years, I’ve developed a category for extremely overrated things that has no trouble putting on weight. When one lives in the crass commercial climate of the neo-liberal hustle, where “image” is the primary raw material for wealth and power, people, places, concepts and things that are made to seem better or more important than they are, become the currency of everyday life. In such an economic environment, the reality of the product becomes less relevant than how it is presented.

     Some of my favorites on this list include Lady Di, South Beach, Imus, Jackie O., Elvis, New Year’s Eve, Paris Hilton (she was born on this list), and so forth and so on. In a socio-political sense, such entries as the Million Man March, American “freedom”, political conventions, anything having to do with royalty, WMD’s, etc., are all good starting points for a list that will forever engender rabbit-like in a society based more on perception than substance.

     Even if you are not old enough to remember the Elizabeth Taylor-Richard Burton version of the Cleopatra story, some recollection of the Queen of the Nile’s triumphant entry into Rome might still exist. (If not, the next version of the great story is probably in the Hollywood production line somewhere, with Angelina What’s Her Face as Elizabeth Taylor and Brad Pitt as Richard Burton). The “Iraq Study Group” and its report on whatever the hoo is going on in the slaughterhouse we call Iraq, has been given the same kind of billing and expectation as that spectacular day in Rome 2000 years ago.

     And that is why it becomes an instant member of the overrated club, a show of hands will suffice, the yea’s have it, gavel it in right now. 

      There is an absurd quality to this marching band presentation of the ISG’s report that could easily lend itself to a Woody Allen comedy or Kurt Vonnegut novel. (The fact that we have already begun to use its initials, is a wonderful testament to its overrated pedigree). Unfortunately, unlike the events in a book or movie, anything laughable about the current war in Iraq is quickly eclipsed by the true horror of it.

     The United States of America, the richest, most powerful nation on Earth, has a government that has been in office for 6 years, a government that is the heir to generations of power brokers that have been at or near the top of the country’s food chain for centuries. Judging from this government’s performance, it seems as if some form of hemophiliac decay has finally set in.

     And now, like Dudley Dooright arriving just in time to save Nell on the railroad tracks, here comes the ISG to save the day!

     You don’t have to be much of a sports fan to have some knowledge of George Steinbrenner and Joe Torre, who have teamed up to run the most successful sports franchise in history, the New York Yankees. Let’s hypothetically jump ahead to mid-season in 2007. The most powerful, well funded baseball war machine in the world is floundering badly, 10 games under .500. The fans are outraged and Steinbrenner and Torre seem incapable of righting the ship. For the last decade or so, these 2 men have spent everyday of their lives involved in the inner machinations of putting the Yankee war machine on the field. Since the first day of Spring Training, they’ve watched every move of every player.

     “Joe”, says Steinbrenner, “I’ve decided to hire an independent, non partisan group of people to make up the Yankee Study Group. The YSG will study the team in depth and make its recommendations when they are ready.”

     “But George, what do they know about the Yankees that we don’t?”

     “Who cares, we have to look like we’re doing something.”

     One must remember this latest reincarnation of the Bush cabal had its plans to attack Iraq etched on sacred stone even before their ascent to the mountain top. One way or another, this was going to happen, plummeting skyscrapers aside. They have now been trying to make it work for more time than America’s participation in WWII. Have they not been paying attention to what’s going on over there? Have they not thought intensively about tactics, troop levels, and everything else having to do with waging a war? Have they not tried to figure out, even in an admittedly tardy fashion, the socio-political dynamic that makes Iraq tick? What have they been doing for almost 4 years; watching ESPN all day?

     “Ah hah! I know. We need a plan.”

     So here comes Cleopatra entering Rome with --- cue the trumpets --- A Plan!”

     Before we get to The Plan, I’d like the reader to conjure up those cute little Guinness commercials, the ones where 2 Victorian gentlemen are always saying “brilliant!”

     OK, The Plan:

     1) All options are on the table.

     “Brilliant!”

     Judging from the fact that Bush-Cheney & Co. has made an unprovoked attack on a sovereign nation, setting off a chain of events that has killed more than half a million people and destroyed much of a nation’s infrastructure, I’d say this has always been their policy.

     2) We will talk to our enemies.

     “Brilliant!”

     This is generally what happens when your enemies start getting over on you. Nobody initiates talks with an enemy that is getting beat.

     3) We can bring in more troops. We can disengage as quickly as possible. We can disengage slowly. We can play Lionel Richey songs through loudspeakers to pacify the populace.

     “Brilliant!”

     Except for the latter, this has all been hashed and rehashed to death (lots of death).

     4) We can make a greater effort to train and prepare the Iraqi army and police force by reducing our combat personnel and shifting a smaller part of this manpower exclusively to such task.

     “Brilliant!”

     Wait a minute --- hasn’t this been the plan right from day one? “They stand up, we stand down.” The problem is: there aren’t that many Iraqis around who are really gung ho to fight the guys we want them to fight. We know who the “enemy” is, they are not so sure --- except for the substantial amount of infiltrators masquerading as our Iraqi soldiers, who know who the enemy is --- and it is us.

     Do you want to be part of the reduced force that is only there to train them?

     5) We put pressure on the Iraqi government to get its act together.

     “Brilliant!”

     The problem is: in the best of Bushian worlds, this government would belong to us, which means we are really asking ourselves to get our act together, and we’ve already seen enough of that, haven’t we? But this is not the best of Bushian worlds. The government we’ve spent almost one half a trillion dollars ($500,000,000,000) to put in place, might actually be working more for our enemies!

     “Brilliant!”

     Let’s get serious. What exactly is the “Iraq Study Group” a euphemism for?

     As alluded to above, the current government of the United States is the latest generation spawned from a political machine that has dealt power for centuries, and is not only trying to govern the United States, but rule the world. Such people as W., Cheney, Rummy, Conde, the Boltons, Bremers, Brownies and such, are the heirs to this machinery and the current protagonists in the “cabal’s” activities. However, as is often the case when people of privilege hold power in an almost hereditary way, the future generations begin to get arrogant, over confident and lazy. They consider power their birthright and begin to do sloppy work.

     So the arrogant rich kids decide to go out one night and have a good time. They go to a club, begin pounding them down, start pinching asses, and their loutish, I-can-do-anything-I-want attitude leads to a brawl where they get their butts kicked and end up in jail. What to do? They opt for the traditional rich kid remedy --- they call daddy to fix it.

     Which leads to an interesting question: just who is running the U.S. government at this point? Rummy has seemingly been run, we never saw much of Cheney to begin with, and Conde, who is the face of American diplomacy and foreign policy, has been seen sparingly lately. Meanwhile, Robert Gates and James Baker, two of daddy’s most trusted cronies, are everywhere. It’s as if the official American government has become irrelevant.

     My guess is that daddy and his generation in the “cabal” had seen enough. The kids were mucking things up and prejudicing “their” world. Either we step in and do some damage control (restore order would be another good way to say it) or we lose too much. Just how rebellious and foolish the kids are remains to be seen.